I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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