It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
