In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
