so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
