so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
