like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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