We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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