my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
