If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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