Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
