he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
