Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
