They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
