It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
