Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
