We won't sleep together?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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