no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
