I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
