what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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