on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
