i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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