What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
