u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
