Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
