feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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