I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
honey bunches of taint.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
