So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
