Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
