he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
