I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
