I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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