If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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