totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
