Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
