at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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