If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
