I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
