Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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