I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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