currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
