it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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