Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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