at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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