If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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