You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
