idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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