Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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