she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
