actually, I'm a sock model
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
