Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
