she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
