i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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