So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
