Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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