I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
