Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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