But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
