your room smells of hookers.
And success
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
